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There are no boundaries, no barriers to stop this new lit fire from burning with all the passion and intensity of this gifted poet.
Ayin introduces us to her mother and grandmother through poems that celebrate them while exposing the hardships of their- and her- life. She tells us stories about other women "SPARE CHANGE,"FAT CHANCE", which further reveal her own strong and tender heart. "MOMMA CRIED..." the 1999 Award Winning Poem in memory of Pat Parker is destined to be a classic. You will meet a proud black poet, philosopher, and lover of women whose sense of humor informs her sense of honor. Some poems, like "COOKING," are best read aloud. While many of these poems are autobiographical, they have also the quality of universality. The demands Ayin puts upon herself in fulfilling her life's goals will lead you to an examination of your own intentions. Her words are a challenge as well as a gift. "I wanna know/ if you can/ stand by your/ heart/ and not/ abandon/ your guts/ to risk/ the truth/ of your being." Ayin will take you deeper into the bowels of your very self. "SPARE CHANGE" was adapted to script and filmed by Ayin Adams on Maui and in San Francisco. It screened at the New York International Independent Video & Film Festival winning acclaim. Click on highlighted titles to hear in RealAudio!
AUDREY LORDE MEMORIAL PROSE -PRIZE WINNER Are you living whole, wholly, or wholesomely? Or, are you living halfway, living a lie? In order to answer this question with honest appraisal, we should look at our lives and examine where we've been so far, where are we right now, and where are we going. Now I'm not trying to be self-righteous or biased, or to scare you, because that's just not my way. I am concerned with the law of a person's being, with how you are living and how I am living. I am concerned with a person's human and spiritual growth on a personal level. For example, if we can grow through challenges instead of merely just going through them we can find meaning in each challenge. I hope you can remain open-minded, in order to catch some of the enthusiasm in my writing. You can take what you want and leave the rest, because I'm sure there'll be something for everyone. I am hopeful that you will be prompted to take the right steps toward the fulfillment of your soul's growth and advancement, steps that will catapult you into a dimension of happiness, peace and well being. I live beyond what the world tells me is probable and most likely to happen. I live with a positive attitude of gratitude, nothing can get in the way of my forward movement. My life is one of growth, expansion, and creative possibilities. I wear my long braids and know that I am supremely beautiful, whether in Brooklyn, New York or the Hawaiian Islands. I am black and woman, in tune with the Divine flow and out of step with the world. My sexuality allows me to grow in goodness as I pursue great and new ideas for myself, my life, and those whose lives interconnect with mine. I am committed to my sexuality, as I persist in the face of all negativity. Whatever negative opinions others hold about my sexual identity are obliterated, erased, and released from my consciousness. I choose positive movement, which nurtures me as I continue to breathe life into new and wonderful forms of expressions. I choose to think the thoughts that create the kind of world I want to live in, and then this world is established in my life. I am all that I am, in this physical vessel, which houses my spirit. My freckles, my breasts, my eyes are all a part of the dynamic known as beautiful woman. I am the sole proprietor of my house. I do not allow others to rent free space in my head. When I experience low days, I simply love myself more gently by lounging in spiritual baths, by honoring the sacredness and tenderness of my path, and centering myself holistically. No one else can fully understand me, or my body. I can understand myself, just as the next woman can understand herself, and what she believes it means to be woman. Each woman understands for herself what it means to have or to hold, to lose or to grow, to be too old or too young. When a part of me hurts, no one feels the pain at the level and depth that I do, just as I don't feel pain at the level and depth that another woman does. Everyone is an individual, and free to express herself without hesitation, dictation or domination, at her own level of comfort, conviction, and consciousness. I honor the relationship I have with my body, which tells me when I hurt. A relationship that tells me when to stop, pay attention, listen, and to feel where the hurt lies; then tells me to heal the hurt, to mend the heart and move on. I know that I am not alone in experiencing these kinds of feelings, emotions, and sensations. However,damn it, sometimes I just don't like feeling. As for speaking out, risking, and sharing insights. I know that to risk is to grow. I cannot speak for others, I speak for myself and at the same time I am speaking, I hope that I am speaking what others feel and will not say. I hold within me the power to make or to break, to succeed or to fail, to enjoy good health or to be sick, lonely, and fearful; and each other person holds that same power within him or herself. And I know this! That as women--black women, white women, Puerto Rican women, Asian women, Mexican women, Hawaiian women, Filipina women, Latina women, Italian women, Native American women, all women in and of life's creation --WE CANNOT LIVE A LIE! We must not deceive ourselves, we must not con ourselves, we must not manipulate ourselves or be manipulated, we must not hurt ourselves or allow others to hurt us. We must not people-please, or act like others just because the cliques are doing it, or because so and so says so, and so and so is a great authority. The greatest authority is within our own minds and within our own hearts. I cannot look the other way, because the people-pleasers have done just that, or are in the process of doing just that same self-defeating thing. I have choices and I choose to look above and beyond to a high calling, all searching, always seeking. My answer lies within the stillness, poise, and confidence of knowing who I am. I choose this day to serve my higher self for my highest good. CALL IT AN OPPORTUNITY Human beings in their quest for greatness has always been spurred on to achieve the unattainable, to conquer the unconquerable, sometimes by hardships, through crisis, loss, and at other times simply by opportunities. There is that within each person, which I call the indomitable Spirit that continues to aspire to reach his or her unlimited potential. Personally, I see all challenges, crisis, and difficulties as opportunities. I call everything an opportunity. It is an opportunity to reach beyond the shadow of doubt and limitation, to reach up to a higher calling that has no other desire but for us to succeed. I had always begun life as a dynamic spiritual potentiality, although I was not fully awake in consciousness. There were times in my life when I demonstrated as a greedy grasping, nervous, anxious human being-being an imposter to who I really was. I was living life from without, not from within. I was living in a personality with all of its character defects and shortcomings. One day, the light dawn in my consciousness. I can't say upon what day, I just know that the light dawn on me, thus creating an allness within the eachness of my own individuality. The oneness and the allness, it is that part of myself that is human, the external which is sometimes liked or disliked, agreeable or disagreeable by others, but the real selves is the "I" part of me which never changes. It is always eternal. I call it the Higher Self. I call it an opportunity. Sometimes when thinking on things that's all I am doing, just thinking. And I have not found a clue how to think myself out of the difficulty! How many countless hours we have spent thinking on things, while the laundry needed to done, bills paid, and errands to run? It is only when I turn away from the little nagging thoughts and turn my attention to the power that lies within me. In quite moments of stillness, do I seek solutions to pressing problems, which surrounds me in everyday affairs. I call it the sacred secret chambers. It is sacred and secret because no one but me knows what goes on deep within. There is privacy there and it is where I rule. There, I can decide and choose which thoughts I will accept and which thoughts I will reject. Whatever thoughts I do choose to dwell upon will presently be expressed in my outer world as things and events. So literally, I am manifesting, whether in the negative or positive, manifestation will always occur. My choice lies in thinking them or not thinking them in the first place. How do I find the sacred secret place? The practice of meditation which entails calmness of my body, by relaxing sitting up in a straight-back chair, or lying down with eyes closed, thinking of beautiful things and scenery. And inside meditation, I can channel and connect to my talents and passions and release unlimited possibilities that have been lying dormant. Sitting in the silence is not lazily drifting or idle waiting. It is joyous expectation with the anticipation of a small child. It is turning from a sense of outer separation to a sense of oneness. It is tuning out the world's outer distractions. Someone once said, "a man's mind once stretched by a new idea, could never go back to its original dimension." I say we need to stretch our minds to new dimensions. We can change our life by changing our consciousness thereby changing our health and affairs and thereby changing our lives. If I allow myself to be caught up with my unpleasant situations and experiences, then I become victimized and they become the role of my life and my life is now moved by these circumstances and turned over to others. To change is to become different; to become different is to change. Being in the divine flow…a new life and a new world begins to open out to me. It is now time, the time to rise above the difficulty, to rise above the challenge and to assert my mastery. There is that which is always in me ready to move forward at my promptings or inner urges. The crisis presented itself clearly as an opportunity for growth, not just to go through life, but to grow through life. I go through a thing and I go through a thing and go through a thing, until I grow through it. And that is what life is all about, growing. Not just to go through life, but to grow through life and become bigger and better because of the challenges. Because the crisis presented itself as an opportunity for growth. Either I must grow, or I shall go. I'm always presented with an opportunity to rise above the circumstances and go within to the innermost recesses of my being, to unite, to come together and say, I am unblocked. I nullify and smash all formerly held erroneous beliefs and accept, understand, and recognize the Truth of my being. My job is to release this magnificent splendid beauty. I am a spiritual being of great High Consciousness who brings with me to the earth plane, the power to release, the love to express and the beauty to unfold. May the light dawn in your consciousness this day and every day as we say YES to our talents, say yes to our passions, say yes to our challenges and difficulties, and say YES to life! Contributor's Notes... Ayin M. Adams received her B.A. in Speech and Theatre from Herbert H. Lehman College; her Masters and Ph.D. in Human Services and Ph.D. Metaphysics from the University of Metaphysics in Ventura, CA. Ayin is a performance-poet, screenwriter and filmmaker; she recently completed two GLBT scripts and will begin shooting in May 2004. Currently published in "Bum Rush The Page, A Defjampoetry"; "In The Family"; and "Women In The Moon"; Ayin believes writing emotionally weaves bonds of sisterhood, in a world that would kill her if she did not fight with her words, dreams, and her position. Return to top of page |
